Feeling Pity for Yourself: Benefits and Harms 

 August 17, 2022

It’s normal to feel pity for yourself. But excessive pity begins to destroy a person’s personality and life. It is necessary to fight with this feeling independently or with the help of a psychologist.

Why You Feel Sorry for Yourself

There are 5 main reasons for the formation of the habit of complaining:

  • A person finds himself in a difficult situation, he is gnawed by powerlessness and a sense of hopelessness. He realizes that he is unable to do anything to change the situation. Most often this happens after the breakup of a relationship with a loved one, after an unsuccessful confrontation with a stronger opponent, who is not superior in all respects, he is smarter, stronger, wittier.
  • The desire to relax. In a state of pity, a person becomes less demanding of himself or herself, relaxes, lets go of tension, lets everything go on its own. Pity is perceived as encouragement for unfair treatment. In such a state, a person allows himself or herself to drink a lot of alcohol, gamble the entire day at Bizzo Casino Canada, eat sweets or junk food in large quantities, or lie down all day and watch sad movies.
  • The habit of underestimating one’s own abilities and strengths. Man artificially creates around himself an aura of defenselessness, vulnerability, and believes that everyone is trying to hurt him. Such beliefs prevent one from calmly living through difficult moments and difficult trials. The person believes in the installation that he or she is weak and defenseless, and behaves accordingly.
  • Showing pity is an affordable and quick way to provide oneself with care and attention. Especially if, as a child, your parents always pitied you if you were hurt. You have grown up, but pity is perceived as the only way to take care of yourself. By suffering, you think you are giving yourself the emotions you deserve.
  • Wanting to receive attention and care from those around you. You complain, you are pitied, you begin to care. You are the center of attention, it seems that your life is full, filled with interesting events. You feel special, your ego is content.

The cause of self-pity may be intense resentment, physical pain, unjust punishment, humiliation, guilt, or longing. Feeling sorry for oneself is related to victim syndrome and selfishness. If a person feels pity for himself, his consciousness narrows, he cannot assess adequately what is going on, sees everything as a disaster, and his ability to sympathize with people atrophies.

Why You Shouldn’t Feel Sorry for Yourself

In psychology, the habit of feeling sorry for yourself is considered one of the most negative and destructive emotions. This feeling has enormous destructive power.

Why feeling sorry for yourself is dangerous:

  • A negative mindset develops, which makes life even more difficult.
  • Even a single attack of self-pity is often enough for this emotion to come to the forefront and begin to govern a person’s conscious behavior. Gradually, external stimuli are no longer needed to activate self-pity; it will be fed by fear, the whiner’s sense of insecurity.
  • Complainants have low self-esteem, they cannot interact effectively with those around them. They are sure that they will not be able to cope with obstacles and difficulties with dignity.
  • Pity prevents development. By feeling sorry for themselves, a person allows themselves to be idle, to do nothing to grow. The complainer will never get out of his comfort zone, does not seek to learn new skills and practice them in practice.
  • Those who like to complain voluntarily relieve themselves of responsibility for their lives, it is easier for them to choose the position of a victim, so as not to consider themselves infantile and unsuccessful.
  • Pity is not compatible with self-discipline. Self-pity makes it impossible to stick to the rules and plan, all the power goes to destructive emotions. All this interferes with setting long-term goals, acting despite fatigue, lack of desire.
  • Pity leads to the development of hypochondria, the ability to make a problem out of any trifle. With such an attitude toward life, troubles begin to follow one after another in thick rows.
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If a person pities himself constantly, he becomes resentful, irritable, vindictive. He begins to hate the person whom he appoints as the culprit of his troubles. Sometimes negative feelings mature to such an extent that the person is really ready to kill the imaginary enemy.

How to Learn not to Feel Sorry for Yourself

To recognize a problem is already halfway in the right direction. To stop feeling sorry for yourself, you must understand that the solution to the problem must be sought in yourself, not in external factors. It is difficult to take responsibility for your life, but only in this way can you stop being a victim of circumstances.

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In order for there to be a sense of awareness, you need to look at the situation as objectively as possible. You need to understand what is causing the feeling of regret. Figure out how you behave when you are faced with a serious problem. Complainants often behave passively, waiting for things to change for the better on their own.


Pity isn’t only a destructive emotion, but also the cause of various diseases. Feeling sorry for yourself is humiliating.


What to do to stop complaining:

  • Learn to prioritize yourself intelligently. If you have clear goals, an active attitude in life, you will not have time to complain to yourself.
  • Do an analysis of your life. You need to understand what areas need improvement and change. Make a plan for change and follow it rigorously.
  • Take a critical look at yourself. On a piece of paper, write down all your positive qualities, advantages. Note everything – knowledge, victories, skills and abilities, recent purchases, even minor accomplishments. This list will help you understand that you are a unique person who doesn’t have to feel sorry all the time. You will stop feeling weak and pathetic.
  • Don’t make excuses for yourself. You don’t have to think that you’re so great, and people around you don’t notice or appreciate that. Know how to take denials and criticism calmly, analyze the comments, improve, develop.
  • Learn to have a constructive dialogue, rather than harboring resentment. Shutting discontent inside, sooner or later a man begins to feel inferior, there is a feeling of worthlessness.
  • Learn to think positively, find sources of joy and inspiration. Develop self-confidence and strong-willed qualities.
  • You need to get rid of the idea that you need something. People around you should not love and help you just because you are so unhappy. Getting rid of this illusion will help eliminate the habit of suffering from the unfairness of what is happening.
  • Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Complainers often don’t know how to ask for help. In any difficult situation, it is important for them to vent their negativity to reduce their anxiety. But this style of behavior will not help get rid of problems. To break this vicious circle, you need to learn to understand what resources or skills are missing to solve the issue, and find a consultant or helper. Asking for help is not whining, but one of the manifestations of an adult attitude toward difficulties.
  • Don’t socialize with other people who like to complain. The similar attracts the similar, complainers often communicate with the same whiners. But such communication leads to the fact that a person is completely drowning in negativity and their own failures. Surround yourself with people who are used to taking action, not complaining.
  • Start a gratitude journal. Every night, write down in it at least 5 things for which you are grateful for the past day.
  • Limit your time on social media. In any social networking site, people are happy, successful, and beautiful in photos. Seeing all this “beauty,” it’s hard to stop feeling sorry for yourself.
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Unconscious self-pity manifests itself in the form of constant trauma. This is especially noticeable in children. A child who often gets sick, falls down, is actually trying to tell his parents that he suffers from lack of attention.

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